As caregivers (and I include yoga instructors in this group), we are bestowed with a sacred trust; the well-being and care of our students. Nothing could be more important, especially for yoga instructors, for we are entrusted with the physical, mental, and spiritual well-being of our students. When we hear of instructors (or other caregivers in positions of trust) abusing their trust, we are perhaps shocked, and certainly saddened. Yet as much as we may be tempted to, we know from our own experiences and our yogic learning that we cannot and should not judge others, especially when we are ignorant of the complete facts.
We know as well that we should honor and respect all people. To engage in sexual or romantic relationships with our active students not only disrespects, dishonors, and objectifies our students, but it does the same to our own selves. Even as understandably human as some of the actions may be, they also do harm to the practice of yoga itself (insofar as that is at all possible), which the ignorant may perceive to be reduced by the actions (or mis-actions, to be more accurate) of its adherents.
A good precedent has been set with medical professionals that may be applicable and pertinent to all caregivers: one does not give care (of any type) to those in their immediate family. The closeness and bias have proven to reduce the effectiveness of care. It is understandable that we may be attracted by some of our students, and may even judge it acceptable to enter into an intimate relationship with them. Yet that is the point that we must recognize that our relationship has evolved beyond that of student-teacher, and it is no longer appropriate to attempt to hold onto such a relationship. To do otherwise is to risk dishonoring ourselves, others, and our practices. We then refer our new loved ones to other caregivers that can provide more objective care.
If love, honor, and respect guide our actions, they will not result in disrespect. If we act in a fashion that we would be proud of no matter who was watching us, then we will most likely avoid troubles. Yet when others cannot avoid troubles, or act in ways that seem to us less than honorable, we must remember that we have not been in their position and thus cannot judge, nor is it our position to judge others. We can and should set high standards of personal performance and excellence for ourselves, and hope that others might adopt them through the consistent actions of their lives, but we must refrain from forcing them on others. They can only be adopted freely, and those who fail to live up to their self-imposed standards should answer not to individuals, but to duly entrusted standards bodies or ethical review boards, just as ‘professional’ and traditional caregivers do.
While being judged by the (usually uninformed) court of public opinion may be unavoidable, we as individuals can avoid contributing to it, extending instead the benefit of the doubt, or at least the compassion for a fellow human who has proven to be as fallible as we are. As to guidance for teachers who find themselves in questionable circumstances, the solution is easy:
-Ask ourselves who we are, or remember who we are
-Remind ourselves that yoga is about union and integration
-Remind ourselves that we teach what we live, not what we say
-Ask ourselves if our actions will contribute to increased harmony, togetherness, and integration, as befitting a caregiver and yoga instructor
-If we discover that our contemplated actions might contribute to separation, alienation, require lies and deceit (or cannot stand the light of public view), then we should understand that these actions do not reflect our true selves, and act accordingly.
This is a personal process, one that cannot be evaluated after the fact by others. Only the person involved can decide and choose, exercising an act of will that will result in actions that (in part, at least) defines them (as the old sayings go: ‘by their actions ye shall know them’ and ‘handsome is as handsome does’). If we feel the urge to judge another, perhaps we could follow some simple steps as well:
-Ask ourselves who we are, or remember who we are
-Remind ourselves that yoga is about union and integration
-Remind ourselves that we teach what we live, not what we say
-Ask ourselves if our actions will contribute to increased harmony, togetherness, and integration, as befitting a caregiver and yoga instructor
-If we discover that our contemplated actions might contribute to separation, alienation, require lies and deceit (or cannot stand the light of public view), then we should understand that these actions do not reflect our true selves, and act accordingly.
We might also remind ourselves that our capacity as people and caregivers is not to judge, but to forgive; not to sentence, but to set free. We might remind ourselves that we are off duty, maybe were never on duty in the first place. Let someone else do the judging and instead spend the energy on improving ourselves.
Just a thought…
I dunno, who am I to say? I’m just another fallible human being. I’ll let you (or others) decide.
AUM, Shanti, Shanti, Shantihiii
“You can’t talk to a man with a shotgun in his hand…”
-Carole King/Smackwater Jack
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